Monday, November 07, 2005

Baby Steps

It takes a while to unravel all the threads of 20 years of life. I have been taking the first baby steps over the last week, and damn are there going to be a lot of baby steps. But I have started taking them, and that seems to be the most important point. I've probably asked myself a hundred times, "Do you really want to do this?" Yea, I do.

I'm sure many will think I am nuts, throwing away 20 years of my life. That sort of thinking is why I've lived this life for 20 years instead of calling it quits after two or three. At this point, it feels more like giving up on an old car that is just too broken down to salvage. At some point you have to stop throwing good money after bad. Except I am not throwing away money, I'm throwing away years of my life.

I'm sorry. This just isn't working. No matter how hard I try, you are never happy. I do the wrong thing, say the wrong thing, hang with the wrong people, believe the wrong things. We are just destroying each other. It's time to end it.

"Time is the fire in which we burn." From the first ST-TNG movie, if I recall correctly. “Life is short,” I tell myself, “Enjoy it.” I'm not enjoying life. You're not enjoying life. In 20 years, neither of us have enjoyed our life. Life is too short.


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