Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Happy New Year!!

So I'm a little late. Sue me.

This is the time of year that half the people in the United States resolve to lose weight, get in shape, work less, and fuck more.

I really don't care about any of that. No one loses weight and keeps it off. Short of moving to Ethiopia, it is virtually impossible to permanently lose weight while working a desk job in North America. And I am already in shape, thank you very much; pear is a shape. I'd love to work less, but I have this attachment to eating, so unless I can find someone who will pay me to sit around the house and make bitchy blog posts, I will continue to work. Last but not least, fucking would mean getting close to a female, and right now, that has no appeal whatsoever.

No, my resolutions are of a different sort. The first, and in some ways most difficult, is cutting the last of the ties with my old church. I am drafting a letter to ask that my name be withdrawn from membership. The bastards have already shut me out of involvement in any sort of ministry. Just as well; I assume a church prefers to have the people doing the teaching to sort of believe in all that God and Jesus stuff. That I was considered a leader and was teaching teenagers says a great deal about the vetting process the typical church uses to find its leaders and teachers. (It also explains why NAMBLA recommends small-town churches as a target-rich environment, but I digress.) The reason this is difficult has nothing to do with leaving the church itself; what hurts is losing my kids. Teens have a way of grabbing you emotionally and it will be hard to give up all hope of contact with some of them. The ones who didn't grow up in the church have simply started hanging out at our house. The rest, I will never see again except by accident.

The second involves work. The bottom line is that I am tired of sitting in front of a computer all day every day, and I need to do something different. I also need to start doing something that will matter 50 years from now. Currently, all my work is thrown away after a few years. I need to feel like I am part of something more permanent. Every day I hide in my cube and hope that no ass clown lights the fuse, because it ain't gonna be pretty.

The third is location. I cannot take another winter. This one has been unbelievably mild, yet I can barely drag myself out the door. Once I'm out, all I can think about is getting back inside so I can be dry and warm. There has to be a better way to live that spending every waking hour worrying about boilers and propane and snow removal.

The fourth I have mentioned a number of times. I need to cut myself loose from the parasites. I've spent my entire life working to make the lives of others comfortable. I'm done with that. Maybe I've just become a selfish prick, but I'm working to make my life easy for a while. If that happens to make someone else's life easier, that is a happy coincidence, but it is not the primary goal. I suspect that will greatly simplify my life with no effort on my part as the parasites drop off and find more willing hosts.

Happy New Year.


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