Talk, Talk, Talk, Talk, Talk

What is it about women that makes them think every problem can be solved by talking about it endlessly? Why does the same damn ground have to be covered over and over and over? My favorite part is the Q&A bullshit. She asks my opinion. I don't have one. She begins ranting: "Surely you have some sort of answer!" So finally, in the interest of getting back to my book/movie/web site/random thinking, I give one. It is, of course, the wrong answer.

Sweet Jesus.

1. It is hard for women to understand, but men are fully capable of being in an "empty" mental spot. There is a book that should be required reading for every female over the age of 10 titled Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti. When you ask a man what he is thinking and he answers "Nothing," he is likely telling the truth. Not being deliberately uncommunicative. Not fantasizing about having sex with the neighbor's 15-year-old daughter. Not hating your mother/hair/clothes/manicure/pedicure. (In fact, the only item on that list he has likely even taken notice of is your mother, and then only if she happens to be in the room at that exact moment.)

2. If you don't want to know, don't ask. Sometimes I will be fantasizing about having sex with the neighbor's 15-year-old daughter, and will tell you that I am not thinking about anything. Which would you prefer? "Nothing" or "I wonder if Stacey gives good head"?

3. If you want a pre-determined answer, tell me what I am supposed to say. Better yet, buy yourself one of those digital voice recorders and use it to give yourself all the affirmation you need. That way, you're not interrupting my fantasies about Stacey.