More Bridges are Burning

Today, I received the following from the Squawking Female IS Director:

Just a reminder that we are having another "lunch with IS management" today and I'm the IS manager that will be answering questions. As you may recall, this is just a time to come in and ask questions (open forum). There is no set agenda and no hidden agenda. I'll be honest with my answers.

So please join me for Pizza and Pop (yes a free lunch, sorry, the ice cream was yesterday) at noon in IS conference room #1.

I responded (again, not to SFID, but to a select group of co-workers):

Hey SFID; I have some questions [group gasps in shock and surprise]:

What exactly qualifies you for your job, other than your willingness to perform deviant sex acts on members of upper management? Do you have a degree? From where? In what? Have you ever once written code or designed a database or received a meaningful technical certification?

Please show me the memo that announced your promotion to CIO.

If said memo cannot be produced, then can you please explain what makes you think you have any business interfering with managers and employees in the IS department who do not report to you?

When employee morale is in the toilet due to significant financial take-away's, do you really think free ice cream, family pictures, or eating hot dogs while being serenaded by the CIO is going to make it all better?

What are [recently hired manager]'s qualifications for his job? I mean, other than being yet another of your bed buddies. I ask because he seems about as bad at it (the job that is; I really don't care how good he is in the sack) as you are at yours.

Is English a second language for you? This is the first GroupWise you have sent in the last few months that didn't require super-human effort to work through the bad grammar.

Is hitting the Spell Check button before you hit Send really all that hard? Are you aware of how bush-league it looks to send out a GroupWise or Word document to the entire department with spelling errors?

Do you re-read anything before you distribute it to the entire IS department? None of the rest of us are, thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster, inside your head. The half sentences you liberally sprinkle throughout your writing may make perfect sense to you , but they just leave the rest of us scratching our heads and reaching for our resumes.

Thank you for your time. I look forward to your honest, agenda-free answers.

Am I having fun yet?

Falling in Shit

Most of my life, I've been accused of being able to fall into a pile of shit and come out smelling like a rose. Well, I am well and truly in a pile of shit and I can tell you with no hesitation that it just smells like shit.

Sometimes, life just sucks dead bunnies. Shit-covered dead bunnies. Shit-covered three-days-dead bunnies. Shit covered, three-days-dead bunnies on a hot, humid day with flies on the side.

I'm at a point where I'm disappointed when I make it in to work without being flattened by a speeding semi.

Just Say No to College

College has never cost more. At the same time, the quality of education, especially in the liberal arts, has never been lower. But you have to have a college degree to get a good job, right? That depends on what you consider good. I spend most of my day blogging and reading the blogs of others because what I am paid to do is so mind-numbingly boring and most of the people I work for so mind-bogglingly stupid, that if I didn't do something else, my head would simply explode. Fifty years ago, a college education was a sizable advantage to the size of your paycheck. Twenty-five years ago, I was told that a college degree would soon be required for any entry-level job. A lot of other kids must have been told the same thing because college enrollment exploded. Without looking up the answer, what does standard economic theory say about the price of a good when its supply increases? What happens to the price of a good when demand for it decreases? What happens when both happen at the same time? Think about that, then go read this.

More Burning Bridges

My department received the following e-mail from the female half of our dynamic duo of department directors. I have left her spelling and grammar errors intact:

If you haven't noticed, the bulletin board by the copier outside of IS conference Rm #1 has been half cleaned off and a banner indicating "IS Pride Board". In talking to various people throughout the department, we often hear about their kids, their spouses, their pets, and other things that people are proud of. Often we (the average employee) doesn't often get the meet the family members or get to see someone's new house, etc.

The management team would like to introduce the IS Pride Board and we ask that everyone takes a minute to put up a picture of something they are proud of (keep it clean). As time goes on, update the picture as appropriate, but make sure to label the picture (as to the content). This really helps us come together as a team and honestly, it's really nice to get to know what people are proud of.

If you have any questions, give me a call.

My response (not sent to the sender; just to select people in the IS department):

You know, it gets to a point that I can't think of anything funnier than the stuff this woman comes up with....

It doesn't look like I can participate anyway. My house is a dung pile, I don't have pets or kids, and the only thing I'm really proud of seems to be disallowed under the "keep it clean" clause. Maybe if I wash it really good first? I'm a little unclear about what is meant here. Maybe we should form a committee to come up with some guidelines. God knows I wouldn't want to offend anyone.

Anybody out there want my job?

Wetbacks on Parade

I'm no fan of US Immigration Law or the INS, but the bottom line is that a nation that is not allowed to control its own borders is not a nation. In any case, this seems to be more about the kick-off to Protest Season than any real understanding of the immigrant situation. In other words, nothing new here: the most ignorant segments of our population are setting policy.

Major Fuckup

I damned-near got myself fired yesterday. That wouldn't have been so bad, but I would have taken a co-worker down with me. All because my head is so fucked up right now, I can hardly think clear enough to get through a day.

You see, I informed The Parasite that I wanted a divorce. Now here is where things get comical. The reason I want the divorce in the first place is because I am sick and tired of being ordered around, given to-do lists, told what I like to eat/watch/listen to, told what I think, told what I feel, and so on. Anyone who has spent five minutes with a woman knows exactly what I am talking about. So when I say I want out, what where the first words out of her mouth? "I won't allow that." Sweet Jesus, woman. Then she starts throwing out names of couples that we should start seeing for marriage counseling. Every last one of them are people that have been encouraging her in the very things that have driven me to the point where I want to dump her on her ass. I just said no. The last thing I'm interested in right now is more fucking talking. God Damn am I sick of the endless fucking talking!!

So there things set for now. I'll probably move out in a couple weeks and live closer to work. If things get even more spotty in terms of posting than they already are, that's why.

Ego Boost

I signed up for the Web-Stat service a week or so ago just to see if I'm talking to myself, or if there is actually anyone out there. The map of the last 100 visitors (link on the right) confirmed every blogger's suspicion: they are shouting in an empty theater. Or at least a mostly-empty theater, in my case: I have three readers.

It looks like I have a long way to go to catch Jerry Pournelle.

In any case, thanks to those who have stopped in.

Only Stupid People Are Breeding

I've never been able to figure out why any woman in her right mind would abandon her children to become a cubicle rat, and then call it an improvement. Yes, there are some who have no choice. But many do, yet chose (or allow others to chose for them) to be a single, childless, office drone contributing next to nothing to society. Does the world really need more Power Point slides? Or worse, another "professor" of Womyn's Studies?

Anyway, I'm not alone. See here and here.

Closing the Back Door

The title of this piece refers to a growing "problem" in churches: they have become pass-through entities, sort of like restaurants. You consistently go to one for a while, then become less frequent, then disappear when you find a new one. This is especially true in youth ministry. High school kids treat churches and/or youth programs like you would expect a consumer to treat any other marketable item; run to what is unique, fun, and flashy and stay until you see the next unique, fun, flashy thing. You could sink a battleship with all the books, DVD's, and seminar materials devoted to this topic. So here is one more, with a twist. This one is written by a non-believer. Sometimes it takes someone a little distance from a problem to correctly diagnose it.

Parents; don't lie to your kids. You may fool them for a while, but not forever. And the longer you lie to them the farther and faster they will fly out of the church door.

Phred Phelps: Phag-hating Phuckwad

If there were ever a justification to exterminate an entire family line, Phred Phelps is a shining example of one. I know that the religious leaders of every major Protestant denomination as well as the entire leadership of the Catholic Church religiously (pun completely intended) read this blog, so I am going to make you a deal: I will sell my worldly possessions and donate 100% of the after-tax proceeds to the first denomination that puts an end to Phred. Not kill him physically, as appealing as that may be. Instead, shut him down. Every pastor/priest denouncing him in every single service. Massive letter-writing campaigns to every newspaper in the nation from the Podunk Blab to the New York Times by every member of the congregation, expressing outrage over the Phelps Phamily antics and providing scriptural support (preferably from Jesus' own words as recorded in the gospels) for reading them out of Christianity. Every lawyer who is a member of that denomination launching an all-out legal blitz against Westboro Baptist Church's 503c status. Church leaders of every stripe on every talk show blasting the shit out of these assholes. Every member of the congregation jamming the phone lines of every radio talk show with nothing but pure loathing aimed at Phred and his Phollowers. Instead of a roving band of bikers protecting grieving families, I want to see a procession of the local clergy and congregants. You do that, and my worldly possessions are yours.

I am, of course, perfectly safe in making this deal because my conditions will never come close to being met. Here is why:

1. Christianity in North America is dying out. I've talked about this before, so I'll keep this short. Aside from arguments over whether the United States was founded as a Christian nation, it most certainly grows more secular by the day. Since I have left the church, I have found a strong, consistent flow of people like me leaving the church and never looking back. While the church may not approve of his tactics, Phred keeps Christianity in the news, and as everyone knows, there is no such thing as bad publicity, especially when you increasingly find yourself ignored. Closely related is point....

2. Most evangelicals and, I strongly suspect but can't prove, a majority of every other denominational group, agrees with every hateful word the Phelps clan spews forth. They just lack the balls to say it as loudly, obnoxiously, and visibly as the Phelps do. They know instinctively that if the 80% of Americans that rarely if ever darken the door of a church were to know the level of hate that fills the average Christian towards gays, every church building in the nation would be burnt to the ground in a matter of days. So believers mutter it to each other in private while publicly making disapproving noises about how Phred and Phamily go to far, but God does hate fags, so....

3. And following on point 2, any clergy that did take a strong stance against Phelps and Phriends would either a) find himself leading a much smaller flock, b) find himself no longer leading a flock, or a) followed very shortly by b).

The ball is in your court, "Christians." Prove me wrong.

Unintelligent Design

This is cool beyond belief for two reasons. One is the not-so-subtle dig at the intelligent design political movement. Never under-estimate the devastating effect ridicule has on stupid ideas. The other reason is that little-by-little, scientists are teasing out the answer to the standard creationist canard of how do you get life from chemistry. The obvious answer is, of course, life is just chemistry. I know that is a serious blow to the philosophical underpinnings of Christianity and Western Culture, but them's the facts. I suggest the philosophers and clergy stop wasting their time sticking their collective fingers in their collective ears and screaming "LA LA LA LA LA LA," and get busy figuring out a new basis for moral behavior.

I love the concluding paragraph:

We have been looking for our designer in all the wrong places. It seems we owe our existence to viruses, the least of semiliving forms, and about the only thing they have in common with any sort of theological prime mover is their omnipresence and invisibility. Once again, viruses have altered the way that we view them and, by extension, ourselves. As it turns out, they are not the little breakaway shards of our biology - we are, of theirs.

Sweet.

These United States

Fred is WUI (writing under the influence) again. It isn't pretty, but then neither is the seemingly-inevitable result of our foreign policy. I don't know that I've ever had Padre Kino, although the first couple of my college years are a bit fuzzy, but I'm sure Stoli Raz would work just as well.

I'm betting that in a handful of years, being able to fit all your belongings into something you can tow behind a bicycle will be a huge advantage. There are things we could be doing right now that would ensure the existence of the Republic and Western Civilization for at least a couple more generations. But not only are these things not being done, they are being legally proscribed.

Ah well; it was fun while it lasted.

Who Can Kick Whose Ass?

I've mentioned before that at some point, whites, who make up 75% of the population, will say enough is enough and push back against all the racial bullshit. The only reason people like Jesse Jackson get away with the shit they pull is that it hasn't made a significant dent in the average white guy's wealth or lifestyle. When it does, I wouldn't want to be black. Asians are generally productive and don't look for hand-outs, and most Latinos I know are just well-tanned whites. But blacks and Arabs, especially those of an Islamic bent, will simply be exterminated.

Reality vs. Feminism

Another feminist bites the dust. There may be hope for the Republic yet if we can get intelligent women to recognize the value of breeding rather than "pursuing a career." Even the UK government is starting to figure it out.

Wasting Four Years of Your Life

It's called "college." Four years and tens of thousands of dollars to be "taught" by minds that couldn't make it in the real world in any job more challenging than stocking shelves. That isn't universally true, of course. The hard sciences are still worthy of the money, time and effort. But the humanities are a wasteland. The problem is that even if you go to college for a real degree in, say, biology, you are forced to spend about 2/3 of your time in the humanities. I say don't bother. I'm 40 years old and have never completed any college degree, and it hasn't hurt me one bit. My household income was almost $100K for 2005, which hardly makes me Bill Gates, but it puts me in the upper quintile. I've taken a lot of college classes and I can say without hesitation that I have never used anything I have learned in a classroom at my job.

Just Say No.

Are You Using that Kidney?

Larry Niven has some truly distopic visions of how we will deal with pervasive organ donations. In my short, adult life, I have seen us take the first tentative steps down every slippery slope he imagined. Again I ask, why do we never listen to our smartest citizens? Don't get too hung up on the particulars; instead read the justifications carefully, then try to imagine what even a mediocre politician could do with them.

Is is OK to get paranoid now?

The End of Our Constitutional Republic

Like every other Republic in history, ours is being destroyed by internal elements of the government in reaction to an external threat. Many have been saying since 9/11: it isn't what they can do to us, it's what they can cause us to do to ourselves.

Nutritional Advice

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

Conclusion:

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

You've Come a Long Way Baby!

First, men were all sexists pigs because they wanted their women home, barefoot, and pregnant. Now women are bitching because they are stuck in the office and have no husband or kids. I'm telling you, guys; hookers are the answer. Stay single, enjoy your own life, and use professionals to sate your lust.

I mean, do you really want to live with this? Worse, do you want it controlling your assets?

Just Say No.

Huh? Wha?

Who was it that said all that is required for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing? No one seems to be paying attention to just what the Supreme Court is saying in its Rumsfeld v. FAIR decision. Maybe we should.

Christian on Christian

No, I didn't find a new porn site. I'm referring to Christians' habit of ripping each other to shreds at every opportunity. I don't know why any of them imagine that atheists have to do anything to discredit Christianity when they treat each other like shit at every opportunity.

I am so glad to be rid of that world.

Less Is More

This article squares pretty well with my experience. Technology has been a bad deal for business. Understand that I am speaking from the position of having massively benefited on the personal level. But I have yet to work at an organization that has seen net benefit from technology investments. Typically, the work is just shifted around to people who logically should not be doing it. A simple example:

Back in the day, a CEO would dictate a letter to his secretary who typed it up. He proofed it, sent it back with any corrections, it was re-typed, re-proofed, etc. until it was correct. Small computers allowed the CEO to type his own letters. The secretary is eliminated and her salary is pure profit on the company's bottom line, right?

Or is it? It is estimated that the three-year cost of a PC sitting on the average worker's desk is $40,000. I can buy a lot of secretary for $40,000 over three years. But this is just the start. What about the lost opportunity cost of having the CEO spending time trying to figure out how to set margins in Word instead of running his company? What about the intangible of a second set of eyes going over all out-bound communication? A good secretary is much more than someone who mechanically transcribes spoken words into written form. She (I'm being realistic, not sexist) is able to give feedback on a letter's clarity, point out areas that could be mis-interpreted, correct grammar, and so on. Since the advent of the Typing CEO, I have seen a marked decline in the quality of communication.

The hospital I work for spends $7-8 million on information technology. Does it really make the organization more efficient? Or has it merely eliminated file clerks making $10/hour and replaced them with an army of IS Professionals that make four times as much?

In any case, here are the money quotes:

...those who feel extremely or very productive dropped to 51 percent from 83 percent in 1994.

(snip)

Expectations that technology would save time and money largely haven't been borne out in the workplace, said Ronald Downey, professor of psychology who specializes in industrial organization at Kansas State University.

"It just increases the expectations that people have for your production," Downey said.

(snip)

Companies that are flexible with workers' time and give workers the most control over their tasks tend to fare better against the sea of rising expectations.

(snip)

Businesses that have moved to 24-hour operations, bosses who micro-manage and longer commutes all add to the problem, they said, while downsizing leaves fewer workers doing the work of those who left.

(snip)

Finally, there's a trend among companies to measure job performance like never before, said Challenger. "There's a sense that no matter how much I do, it's never enough," he said.

That pretty much sums up what my job has become over the last year.

Burning Bridges Part IV

The female half of our Dynamic Duo of IS Directors sent out the department news letter attached to this e-mail:

Small newsletter this month (only 9 pages). I hope you find some good information from the newsletter. If you have any topics you would like included, please email me. Thanks to all those who contributed.

P.S. Ignore all the spelling and grammar errors (if there are any). I'm no professional news person. Thanks.

My response:

I guess Spell Check and Grammar Check didn't get installed on her PC. That Bachelor of Fine Arts degree from Podunk Community College and Pizza Emporium is really showing its worth.

(sigh)

Am I alone in thinking the last sentence should have ended at the word "professional"?

I wrote that before actually reading this wonderful newsletter, brimming with spelling and grammar errors. When I finally summoned up the courage to read it, here is what I found:

Most Wired Hospital Survey:

HHN (Hospitals and Health Networks Magazine does an annual Health Care's Most Mired survey.

Most Mired? Bwahahahahahahahahahah!! We should win that one no problem!

I will be so glad to get out of this dump in a few months. I already have my own bank account and credit card set up. I need to squirrel away a few thousand dollars by selling everything that isn't nailed down. Then I can just leave.

Cleanup

If anyone is actually reading this blog (which I doubt) you may notice a few missing posts. There were some pretty nasty ones directed at someone that didn't deserve it. I have removed those. There are a lot of people in this world that deserve to have as much shit as the world can produce dumped on them at every opportunity. You are not one of them. I was being one of those nasty old farts that automatically bitches at everyone in sight.

Sorry.

And The Winner Is....

I have to ask. Are there really more than ten people not employed by the movie industry that give a flying shit about the Oscars? Even if you do care about movies, is there anyone that cares enough to sit through three or four hours of Hollywood people congratulating other Hollywood people about what a great job they did portraying a couple of faggot cowboys?

I know the movie industry religiously follows this blog, so I'm going to give you assclowns some advice. You're welcome.

1. No award show should last more than one hour. Period. Full stop. Doing that is very easy. First, no one gives a shit who is the best lighting director or costume designer. All the awards other than the top four or five should be given out off camera and shown on the awards show as a five- or six-minute video montage. Second, no acceptance speeches. Just walk up, take your award, and sit your stupid ass back down. No one gives a fuck about what you have to say unless it is part of a script. You are an actor, which means you are good at pretending to be a made-up character. That doesn't make you smart. In fact, from what I can tell from acceptance speeches, you are as dumb as a box of rocks. There is absolutely nothing I want to hear from your mouth. Get over yourself. Third, stop wasting air time with no-talent black "singers" that couldn't carry a fucking tune if you screwed handles on it. And finally, stop wasting air time with stupid jokes. Just shut up and pass out the fucking awards already.

2. I know "fly-over country" doesn't matter, and in fact isn't considered to exist to the movie industry. That's fine, but if you want me to give a fuck about what you do, then stop insulting every value I have every time someone shoves a mic in your face. Again, you are not smart; you are an aesthetically pleasing combination of face, tits, and ass that happens to be good at pretending to be a made-up person. You have no understanding of my circumstances. You most likely have never done a day's worth of hard physical labor in your pampered life. You have absolutely no right to pass judgment on my day-to-day decisions, my values, my morals, or my voting patterns. Shut. The Fuck. Up.

3. How much money was spent last night? In total? The show itself, the advertising, the six- and seven-figure outfits, the parties, the whole thing. Tens of millions? Hundreds of millions? We have a substantial portion of our population that are still homeless as a result of last year's hurricanes. What if the movie industry had scaled back the Oscars to a simple awards ceremony, and put all the money and effort burned last night into rebuilding, say, Pellington, Mississippi? What if actors and actresses, whose daily work is the most expendable imaginable, took off the tuxedos and the how-much-of-my-big-saggy-tits-can-I-show-and-still-be-legal-for-prime-time-television dresses, put on some Carhards, and did some actual work? I know, I know; these people aren't real smart and don't have a lot of useful skills. But picking shit up off the ground and tossing it into the back of a truck should be within even their meager capabilities. If you want a platform to spout your bullshit from, get off the stage and into a work crew. Then I might, might, give a fuck about what you think.

And I have already wasted more time on the Oscars than they are worth.